The library hold list is killer. I’m telling you: nothing will incentivize you to read faster than hearing that the book you waited four months to check out is ready for pick up.
[I am #52 of 386 holds on The Girl on the Train. Can’t wait to get it in time for my summer vacation in July!]
Here are a few good ones I’ve read lately:
Love me an unreliable narrator. Love me a young adult fiction book that is so well written and haunting you go, wait, seriously? Young adult? What kind of young adult could handle this?
Everything I Never Told You, Celeste Ng
What an emotional story about a family and its tragedy. I was so upset by this beautiful book. So many feels. A very moving portrait of four very flawed members of a family, and how they hurt one another despite their love.
And finally, the one I just started reading:
All the Light We Cannot See, Anthony Doerr
It’s gripping already. I also have Those Who Save Us on my nightstand, but my heart can only stand one WWII book every three months.
The wedding is officially less than 11 months away (I’m aware that’s still ridiculously far off, but still) and we are deep in the “booking your vendors!” stage.
Although not surprising, I consult my married friends’ advice on how to plan a wedding almost daily. “How do you choose a photographer?” “How many DJs did you meet with?” “How much is too much for flowers?” It’s been immensely helpful to hear them say, “Oh yes, that’s the hardest part” (guest list) or “Yes, yes, the photographs of DJs are frightening and you cannot judge them on their hair gel.”
Here are some things that have helped for me in the first two months of planning:
1. Get a wedding book.
The one pictured above was recommended to me by a friend, and it’s fantastic.
It’s a good place to start. Although I don’t find the “star ratings” very helpful (it seems everyone has 4-5 stars, somehow) it brings you to a list of names that are at least narrowed down from a google search.
3. Vendor list.
See if your venue has put together a preferred vendor list, and even better, ask your coordinator or representative who her personal favorite vendors are. I found this to be most helpful with florist and DJs.
4. Trust your own personal taste, even if you aren’t an expert.
I don’t know too much about photography, other than knowing when I like something and when I don’t. If you don’t like the pictures you’re seeing for some reason, just stop right there.
However, if you’re like me, you’ll fall in love with the photographer whose packages start at $8500 and you’ll be screwed.
What worked for me was setting a firm budget. As a friend pointed out: “Yes, when you’re in the middle of planning it all, it’s easy to think, ‘What’s another $1000? $2000?’ But when you step back for one second, you realize just how much money that is.”
What I tried to do was figure out what it was about the $8000 photography I liked. Was it the angles? The lighting? The emotion? The style? I guarantee you can find those things in a less expensive photographer.
(I’m not saying that wedding photographers do not work hard or do not deserve the money they make, but DAMN I should have chosen a different career, yaknowwhatImean?)
Set an amount that you don’t want to go above, and start googling. Many photographers of course do not put their pricing on their website, so you have to inquire. But if it’s out of reach, respond immediately saying, “Thank you for your response, but we’re going with someone else.” Some of them will also let you customize the packages (I didn’t want a photo album, for instance) which can also help adjust the pricing a bit.
Your list will get narrowed down. Meet with no more than three of them (I met with one!) in person and choose who you like the best. That makes it sound overly simple, but it is. If you’re able to make a personal connection with one, choose her. As my friend Cara put it: “This person is following you around for 8 hours and will watch you get dressed. Pick who you would be friends with.”
5. Those friends…
Ask your friends who got married how they did it. They honestly have the best advice.
Hello, friends! Here’s what we’ve missed.
In about a week, thankfully, we have gone from this….
Hurray! Yesterday’s Rennie walk was 61 degrees, and i did it with my sweatshirt tied around my waste and my bare white arms flinging around at my sides. It was rejuvenating.
We had what was hopefully our last snowstorm last week. Somehow this winter I’ve been scheduled to work each and every time the DC area has seen accumulating snow; that’s resulted in several white-knuckled drives in my two-door coupe through hazardous conditions that would shock people outside of this area (“This is the nation’s capital? Surely you can clear snow better than this?”).
Alas, nurses don’t get snow days.
So what makes the snow more bearable? Kale and sausage soup with a parmesan rind broth.
While in heaven last week (Wegmans) I found a small container of four parmesan rinds. Aha! Finally! The last ingredient necessary to make the parmesan broth I’ve been reading so much about.
I used this recipe and it cooked up reeeeaaaal nice.
In other boring news, I visited home last weekend and managed to book a photographer whom I love and nail down some wedding details with the wedding coordinator at our venue.
Wedding planning is fun again!
If this were two years ago, I would have celebrated V-day by wearing all black and scowling all day at happy couples.
Last year, boyfriend and I braved a snowstorm to get dinner at the Mexican restaurant where we first met, and Someone trudged through the snow to get me the beautiful bouquet he had pre-ordered.
This Valentine’s Day was a little more…real. And I loved it. No fancy dinner out — I went and bought us some crab legs and made a big seafood dinner. We drank wine, cranked the heat up and snuggled. We played Nintendo 64 and watched a movie on Netflix. It was cozy and perfect.
We watched an old movie called The Piano. Have you seen it? We really enjoyed it. It was different and weird and haunting. Have you watched any old movies on Netflix lately that are worth watching?
I got chocolate, cheese, and roses. Perfect.
My handsome Valentine took me to a restaurant for some gluten-free pizza:
It was a fantastic day.
We’re super over winter over here — we’re over sitting on the couch, playing cards, and drinking. JK! We’re trying to make the best of it and we know spring is coming. It is coming, right?
Being engaged changes things. Slightly at first, more in a “I have a different mind-set about us” way over time.
Ryan and I had a few weeks of more-often-than-usual bad days. Several things contributed to this: job stress, winter-ness, wedding stress. There are several big decisions to be made in the beginning of an engagement that are more-than-slightly stressful. Size, budget, location, date… big ones. It can feel very overwhelming.
Stress for each of us independently put stress on us as a couple. But things…feel different now. It’s more of a long game, if that makes any sense. A bad day here and there doesn’t really mean much to me anymore when I look at the next 60-70 years of life. Eh, a bad Tuesday, but we’ve got time. Tomorrow will be better, and there will, god willing, be lots of tomorrows.
Another change? Money. We used to be very exact about who paid for what, who owed what to whom, and we made very sure to make things very even. Now? Eh, it’s all going the same place. I’ve definitely noticed a more lax attitude about paying someone back for paying that cable bill or buying Rennie’s food that one day.
Now let’s go back to that wedding planning piece for a few minutes.
[Disclaimer: I am planning a wedding, so I’m focused on that. But please don’t think I’ve lost sight of the fact that it’s about a marriage, and not about a day in my life. Every time this starts to run away with me I remember the M word, and not its evil W-word counterpart, and we get back on track.]
When I’ve spoken to my married friends about this part, they all laugh at me. “Oh! Hahahaha. Wedding planning sucks, honey. You thought it would be fun??”
Well, kinda? Pinterest certainly makes it look fun (and more later on the devil that is Pinterest). But those big decisions I mentioned? Lots of people who love you as a couple are invested in those big decisions, too. Determining the budget, the size of the wedding, whom to invite, and counting up everyone and their plus ones is very, very stressful. Not everyone will be happy with all of the decisions that are made, and that’s really hard for a people-pleaser like me. What matters is you and your future partner. “It’s your day” is thrown around a lot, and you just have to remember that wait, yes, it is. It’s our day.
On budgeting: Of course this wedding will not be a platinum wedding, and I don’t want it to be. (Really, really re-thinking the decision not to take the money and run…) But realizing just how much everything costs—from photos (photography?!?!?!!? seriously?!?!?!?!?!?) to the insane expense of, say, flower arrangements or invitations (IT IS JUST PAPER, PEOPLE!)—can be startling and upsetting.
It’s OK! You pick the few things that are most important to you and you go from there. I, for instance, don’t really care too much about shoes or the dress or the favors. I don’t care about paper programs or flower centerpieces. But it’s hard to parse that out because ideally, of course, we would all want all the things. All the lovely things from Pinterest. And ideally, it wouldn’t make me feel SO guilty to spend money on such temporary things.
I don’t mean to sound super Debbie-Downer about it, or “Wah wah first world princess problem” because it has really been a fun experience so far. I am planning the day when I marry my best friend! A celebration of love. We haven’t done too much yet (more on that later, too), but the decisions we have made have made me feel good and I’m very happy with the overall vision of the wedding. I cherish every one of our loving family and friends who are going to make the day so special for us. I appreciate everyone’s help and assistance so far and would be nowhere without the extra support.
And the best part? We get married one year from tomorrow!
Oh yes yes yes. This is the best.
I love Chex cereals, don’t get me wrong — I couldn’t be happier that the General Mills brand decided to invest in changing their recipes (only slightly, mind you) to make them completely free of gluten and full of taste. The rice and corn chex are in my monthly rotations, for sure, but sometimes I want a heartier cereal that isn’t dry and weirdly crunchy.
Thank goodness Kellogg’s got a whiff of the Chex success!
I’ve missed Special K. I used to absolutely love whatever kind came with those freeze-dried strawberries in it. This gluten-free version features a hearty flake that moistens perfectly in your cold milk, which is lightly sweet with a brown sugar taste. I love it — I ate two bowls yesterday for breakfast and lunch and then went back to the store to grab another box at Safeway (while it is still priced at $2.99!)
I think it’s a cereal even you non-GFers would enjoy!
Kellogg’s nor General Mills pays me in any way for commenting on their products. Even though maybe they should.
What a great film. I knew nothing of Alan Turing before this movie and actually kind of feel like an ignorant fool for not knowing about Enigma.
BUT: If you, like I, knew not much about this historical hero, do yourself a favor and DON’T google him before you go. The movie will be much more powerful if you don’t.
It’s got a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes and we supremely enjoyed it. I sat in the theater for a good five minutes after it ended, getting myself together. Engrossing. Emotional. Important.
I am so sad that I finished this book in a little over two days. The way that Jandy Nelson writes is spellbinding. I cannot get over the language in the text — I feel like I just read a movie. It was so good that the day I started reading it, I read some passages aloud to Ryan so he could hear what I meant. He loved it, too.
I’ll Give You the Sun is a book about two twins and a family tragedy they share. It’s a few years later, and they’ve grown completely apart, not realizing that both of them only have half of the story of what happened.
You will just love this book. I know it.
“Laur? Can you come here a second?”
I was in the bedroom, picking out my ugliest PJs because why wouldn’t I be wearing ugly clothes when I was proposed to? (Side note: I love that I was wearing my PJs when he proposed. It’s very us. I’m always wearing jamz. I’m wearing jamz right now. In fact, the other day I was wearing jeans and a sweater when Ryan came home from work and he got so excited and said, “You dressed up!” Ooops. Noted.)
Seconds earlier he was sitting in the living room with Rennie on his lap, so I asked, “What is it? Is it Rennie? Does she have a tick?”
“Um yea….she has a tick.”
“I’ll get the tweezers.”
I will never forget that I actually walked up to my future husband on the couch with tweezers in my hand. Ryan said, “Hi,” as I sat down, and I looked at him quizzically. I reached out to pet Ren, and noticed something on the back of her collar. “What is this?”
[I won’t lie…at this point I knew something was going on. Either a big Christmas present or….a big Christmas present.]
Rennie had a playing card fastened to her collar. And not just any playing card, but a card that has some particular significance to it.
[One time when we were on vacation I taught everyone this “cool card game” I made up a few years ago. The basic premise is that I can get the player to guess a card in only three guesses. It looks like this:
Player: Seven of clubs.
Me: Lower, same color.
Player: Four of spades.
Me: Correct suit, lower.
Player: Three of spades.
CORRECT! Best game ever. Everyone’s a winner.
That’s confusing, but all you need to know is that Ryan was doubtful, he kept saying it was the stupidest game ever, and I kept running around saying “Have faith in me! Have faith in us!” (Maybe I had some wine, whatever.) Finally, Ryan yells, “OK FINE.” And, on the first guess, he guesses the 5 of diamonds, which it was.]
(There were two witnesses to this event who both found it extremely eerie.)
SO, back to the story. The 5 of diamonds was on the back of Rennie’s collar, and it had instructions on it. “Walk into the bedroom and open the top drawer of my nightstand.”
Cue giggles. I walked (sprinted) into the room and slowly headed (beelined) to the nightstand. I opened the drawer and found several (fake) candles in the drawer, all surrounding a beautiful Christmas garland, perched on top of which was a…ring box.
I picked up the box, smiled with all the brightness of the sun, turned around, and Someone was down on one knee. “Laura Sullivan…” he was saying. I think I said, “WAIT!” and thrust the box at him so he could be official. He fumbled, took it, and tried again: “Laura Sullivan, will you make me the happiest man alive and share your life with me? Will you marry me?”
I cried a little bit. I also barely remember what he said, so it’s possible I’m making that up and he actually said, “Laura Sullivan, you’re a fat toad.” But I do specifically remember him using my whole name. And I know I was nodding.
I jumped up and down. We opened the box and stared at the ring for a second. I was in awe. “OMG OMG OMG” I squealed, and both of us appeared to be waiting for something.
“Aren’t you going to…put it on my finger?” I asked.
“Oh! Am I supposed to?” SERIOUSLY?
I looked at Ryan like he was crazy. “YES!”
“Well jeez sorry it’s not like I’ve done this before!”
On went the ring. Smiles for everyone. Happy tears. Hugs. More jumping around. A selfie. (Eight.)
Ryan went into the kitchen and reappeared with a bottle of champagne (a super nice bottle) and roses. I told him promptly that we were way too tipsy to drink fancy champagne and we should wait. We laughed and kissed and smiled and I went to tell Rennie. “MOMMY AND DADDY ARE GETTING MARRIED!”
More details, and a reflection to come…in part 3. YUP. (Although I swear, I swear I’ll post it in less than a month!)
I love this picture. I look horsey and elated and that’s how I felt.